Remember doing picture puzzles? Now imagine that you lost the box cover and don't remember what the puzzle is about. And you only hope all the pieces are there. Drawing on past experience, you begin. Let's see, start with the outer edges first to get an outline, then work inward. Fish, try, fish, fit.
That's a good analogy for what I've been doing with my life, and I'll bet you have been too. I now have enough pieces put together to see what the larger picture is about, but there are gaps. I started with feedback from my outer life, what has worked well, what hasn't that finally insisted on getting my attention. Then I worked toward the murkier parts on the inside. This piece goes with that one, but I don't know where in the larger scheme they belong or what else goes along with them. This seems right. That doesn't. Keep at it.
Over the past three months especially, I've been absolutely absorbed by the puzzle. I don't seem to want to do anything else. Everything now becomes part of it: my moods, my ideas, my encounters with others, their thoughts/feelings, what that stimulates in me, what I want to share in kind with them...all of it.
And then there's the patterns. For better or worse. I find myself repeating things that I notice worked well for me in the past and which I adapt to current needs. Then there's the not-so-comfortable experiences that appear over and over again, plaguing me like some stalker as if they had nothing to do with my own choices. Of course, I know better. Anything in my life has at least something to do with me, and as such I have some influence in relation to it if not power entirely over it.
This last few months have proven at least two things to me: one, that the pieces always fit somewhere and ultimately connect to each other; and two, I'm now at the point where I can shortcut (bottom line) my understanding. Whether I choose to spend time mulling over a single piece or move on to another and come back later to the first, I get to decide if I will frustrate myself or trust the process. I now know all the pieces I need are here, and I'm reminded that it's the journey as much, if not more than the goal that makes it worthwhile. It's what I discover about myself and life, how I learn to learn, how much I risk, what I absolutely know, how I respond to what I don't that's so juicy. And then there's the sharing with others. That's the best part.
I'm coming to recognize the picture. And I remember that I like it. It feels like home, and it's full of adventures and people and possibilities and hurts and joys and so much more.
May you enjoy the task of putting together the pieces of your life puzzle, especially as the urge to get committed to the effort intensifies. Like mine it will be unique, yet we will all recognize what it is when you show us, and how much investment went into putting it together. Celebrate and frame it for your enjoyment when you're done. You'll start a new one then, rearing to go. You'll discover that some of the same pieces are before you again and you have a sense of where they belong this time as you create an even bigger picture. And if you look at the end of your elbows, you'll realize that you've had help with this puzzle all along, standing beside you.
The Consciousness Report
